I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
