So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
