Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The best revenge is premature balding
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
