with your own penis?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
