i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
