Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
