school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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