I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
