Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
