I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
