i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
