She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
