just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
