woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
