it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He? As in you personified your dick?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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