i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
