It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
