on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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