party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
