We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
