So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
