please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dick very happy bro
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
