weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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