if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
