help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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