my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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