you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
one might say we're banned from that church
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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