How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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