I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
either way he was missing a nipple.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
