i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
