he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
