No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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