o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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