She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just gift wrapped bread.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
