I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
