i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
