take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
