so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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