what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The best revenge is premature balding
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
