Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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