I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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