Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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