GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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