And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
