did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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