actually, I'm a sock model
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
