I bet he comes in French.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
