just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
