Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
