Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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