Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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