My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
