She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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