I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
