using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
