It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We are two peas in an std pod
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
