he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
