I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
