Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
